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Monday, August 25th, 2003
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2:42 am
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That last entry didn't really mean it was the end of LJ for me, y'all. Sorry that ended up causing some confusion.
I'm back at school. Well, I've been here for a week and a half now, but I've been busy having a social life again ... after a summer full of 56-hour workweeks (half of it at an unpaid internship - I loved it, but grrrr to lack of money), I finally have enough time to pay this some mind and attempt to catch up on my friends list.
Hell of a lot of stuff has happened, even just since I've been back here. Been having the time of my life for the most part, but a lot of it has been overly emotional. Old friends, new friends, classes start tomorrow and I don't feel like sleeping yet. I'm continuing to be rather confused about ... well, everything, down to the fact that one of my force-register classes has mysteriously disappeared from my MyUB sched the day before classes start?! And it's the ONE class I absolutely NEED to take this semester or else. Fuckers. I need my VisCom back.
Starting to realize that maybe I don't know what I want because I'm not quite sure of what's out there. Maybe one of these days I'll let go of everything that's holding me back and let someone in, at least a little. I could use a chance, at this point, a new chance. Maybe one's on the way already, who knows. A friend told me tonight maybe I'm doing things out of order - and that may very well be the problem. I wouldn't mind backing up and trying it over ... gotta love the unexpected!
Anyway, I've been in a completely giddy mood since I've been back home. Fate seems to be on my side ever since 2 AM on Saturday morning. And although a few things may be a little fuck-ed up, all's well in the end, or so we hope. I'll be around.
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| Saturday, August 9th, 2003
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4:24 am
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Me and ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) maigrir183 declare that livejournal is GAY
not gay like gay, but gay like GAY.
The end, kaput, don't stop for the yayo, fhqwhgads.
Hell yeah.
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, June 23rd, 2003
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1:53 am
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So let's say you live in the on-campus apartments at UB, and you're transferring to a job in Walden Galleria, and you want to avoid the 290-90 interchange traffic at all costs, but still get to work in a decent amount of time. Yeah, that's me. What are my other options besides 290 to 90 for a route to get to work? Preferably one that keeps moving pretty well, with not so many traffic lights along that way ...
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, June 20th, 2003
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10:15 am
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I fell asleep at six last night, after all this working early business, and just woke up, making up for all my insomnia.
And now I have to work again ... so much for posting the rest of my list. But I do plan on revealing who everybody is ;)
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, June 18th, 2003
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3:55 pm
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| turnsmileshift | | Magic Number | 16 | | Job | Serial Killer | | Personality | The Glass Is Half-Empty | | Temperament | Steely | | Sexual | Just Say No | | Likely To Win | Another Gold Star | | Me - In A Word | Unique | | Colour | | | Brought to you by MemeJack |
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Ohmygod.
I don't know why I'm turning into such a silly little schoolgirl again.
In an odd way, I almost enjoy it.
On the other hand.
I've got to get stuff together for this internship. They want "samples" ... I hate giving samples, they never show quite enough of what I can do.
Poop.
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, June 16th, 2003
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11:33 pm
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New icon. Check that shit.
Lots going on. My internships are all fucked up and I am not a happy girl about that. But work ... it just gets more and more interesting every day.
Going in at 6 AM on Wednesday ... ought to prove pretty fucking interesting.
There's one thing about working retail ... it gives you so much time to think. Far too much, in fact. And that, of course, is no help at all to people like me who already analyze the everloving shit out of everything. And my insomnia only gets worse. I haven't had trouble sleeping in years. Now ... my eyes simply won't stay shut.
A wickedly exciting road trip is only two weeks away, although there's a lot of potential for a lot of heavily inriguing events to take place in said two "short" weeks ...
... but I'm not saying anything 'till it happens.
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| Thursday, June 12th, 2003
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11:03 pm
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Heads up: this journal is being, for the most part, deleted and archived. The name will be kept intact ... but most of the entries will be gone.
Anyway, toreeena had one of these and I was jealous, so I checked it out. In fact, I got two. And I don't know which is better.
girl that I think that not
my buddy got
home in the
list from away I can keep
your homeland under
fire and her home.
Sounds good, about
our freedoms. the
tape ... the last fucking pointless.
I know so make yourself a little
more but forget how we have gone
to be the place
with
me too, short I have
any
sense
on top of
those who will be getting much on that.
girl 39 girl with them.
by their petty bitching and what
I regress? I fear the end,
it never gives me places
rather than you fall down if you
feel like I might
die. No one acoustic guitar
We felt on
us signed up so hard time! Oh, invited.
looking for? Himself he had
at that, for every
day for himself or right as the ones
and there went on the
fucker in and in or
have gone to mount my list,
from people blown away
Have you give me safety,
and terrorists.
... and here's where you get yours
One other good line it churned out: "Shameless plug: the rest of your dirty work, rather than half shit."
That's it for now, 'cause I'm still sick, it's really not even funny anymore. Time to spend another 8 hours or so staring at the ceiling? Mmmm.
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, June 11th, 2003
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12:59 pm
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First of all, this? Very interesting. VERY interesting results, the site is a little weird, but y'all should try it just for this.
And. I'm planning on coming back in to Buffalo the day before my apartment opens up, because I really don't want to miss G. Love and Special Sauce at TITS! So hopefully someone can put me up 'til morning ... and then there's Aimee Mann the next week, good thing there'll be all sorts of stuff to do when I get back. There's obviously nothing going on here.
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, June 9th, 2003
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12:40 am
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It's like I don't even want to say the words anymore.
Because I know that it doesn't even matter to let them out. It's like I'm revealing something, but I'm not. In the end, what matters is who sees it, who reads it, who gives a half shit.
I just feel like I can't do that right now. I don't have anything worth saying, worth reading, worth anything.
No, I'm not depressed. Lately I'm just normal. And therefore boring.
I continue to feel like an entirely different person when I'm here in Syracuse. And everything changes back "home" in Buffalo. I change. It's all different. I can't help reacting and adapting. It's practically involuntary. A simple reflex. Then I return here to find myself putting on makeup every single time I leave the house and worrying about making my hair look perfect. I don't do that. I just don't do that. I grew up and away. So when I'm not away, I regress?
I don't mean to.
It doesn't help that I don't even really get to go out. Oh, I'm invited. That is, until everyone remembers that I'm underage. When all your friends are older than you and you're twenty years old - you're helpless, unless everyone's edge. I can't even go out just to go out (and not even drink) with them. And of course, no one wants to hang out anywhere other than the bars with their newfound legality.
Leaving me with more time to do nothing else but think of what the hell might be wrong.
Am I trying to make up for something? Is there something I'm missing? Am I doing this to myself?
Maybe. Not. Maybe. Not. Maybe. Not.
Not that I expect anyone to have the answers.
Fucking pointless.
I don't know, I really don't. This isn't the end, I just don't have any substance right now.
Better luck tomorrow.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, May 25th, 2003
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8:47 pm
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Truth hurts ... I really don't have any friends here anymore.
(Here being Syracuse ... thank you, though, all of you *smiles*)
Rather sad.
I don't know, I don't really do anything, no one is here, and those that are either have their own set "crew" or I've grown apart from ... and those with set groups I really don't want to hang out with much anyway because I don't like to be part of a single clique, I like to be open and have lots of different friends, and I guess I've learned that the key to failure really is trying to please everyone.
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(7 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, May 19th, 2003
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4:46 pm
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Hey all. I'm still alive. I've just been busy and really haven't had much to say lately ... not busy like during the semester, but busy working at the Ol' Slave Me (seen the new commercials? We swear they are trying to make us look like cartoons) and doing all sorts of artwork (I'm making books ... I'm going off to buy some old picture books in a bit. Doesn't leave much time for me to be sitting in front of the comp (hey, I'm trying to do SOME handiwork instead of constant Photoshop and Quark) ... keep watching, though.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, May 6th, 2003
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12:14 am
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| Friday, May 2nd, 2003
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9:36 pm
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Today I'm a king on the wheel
Still a slave to the wheel
But this time around I'm smiling
Keep me cautious, keep me safe, just in case there's a chance
I can leave this wheel behind me
Stand in the middle and you won't get dizzy
Stand in the middle and you won't fall down
If you stand in the middle you can keep your balance
Stand in the middle while the wheel spins round and round
Nothing 'till later. I am currently packing my little car with ALL my shit ALL by myself. It's quite the workout. And then, as a reward, a two hour car ride home. Sounds good, eh?
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| Monday, April 21st, 2003
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12:05 am
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xpost with IAM - forgive me.
I just realized that for the most part, I'm really not as sure of what I want as I thought I was. I'm not complaining; I have (or have had at some point) so many things that I once wanted.
On a fundamental level, I understand that most of us want the same or similar things. But lately, the specifics have been getting fuzzier and fuzzier.
I think that part of it has to do with some interesting conversation I had with Kevyn around 7:30 this morning. Mind you, I'd never met the kid before last night, and it's not "like that" ... he has quite the thing for one of my best friends. (Hold on a second here ... with me, it's never really "like that," but anyway ... ) In any case, some intriguing thoughts were exchanged, much to my surprise. Although we lead dramatically different lives (I'm an art student, he's a model and aspiring fashion designer) in a lot of ways we found each other coming from the same place and being able to relate based on similar experiences. I'm not focusing so much on what was said as how it was said, really.
Every day I find a little more of myself. And every day I lose a little more of myself. It's an endless cycle; I just hope that the tradeoffs are finally starting to work out in my favor.
I wonder. I never stop wondering, and I don't think I ever will, because I don't think it'd be good - or right - to stop. Perhaps I'm wrong, but curiosity seems to be getting me places rather than holding me back. What is it, really, that I'm looking for? What's the goal in mind? Is there a direction I'm moving in? Or should I fuck trying to figure out where I want to be, and just keep letting things happen? I've always stuck with fate, but I don't know whether that's the problem or the solution.
You go where you want, 'cause you know what you feel
I'll sit and I'll fight with my hopes and my dreams
'Cause I can't figure out what I need
These days are too short - I should know you by now
But your breath is everything I know
So make yourself a memory, 'cause this won't last long
And we won't be back
If I turn my head just right, I can almost make it look
Like I'm sure and I mean what I say
But you stand close enough to know that I dream like a child
I guess I never knew what hit me
I know it doesn't matter now
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, April 10th, 2003
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12:57 am
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| Wednesday, April 2nd, 2003
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2:15 pm
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I am now officially retarded in art history. Specifically, far eastern art history.
I'm being completely serious. Is it possible to be learning disabled in art history? Because I am. I am dead serious when I say I think I need an IEP. It doesn't make any sense for an A student - and a junior at that - to be getting a D in a FRESHMAN LEVEL ART HISTORY COURSE.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, March 31st, 2003
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9:00 pm
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I don't even know if I can TOUCH the events of the past few days. All I can say is: ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) sgirls.
It's official now, too ... I'm into my department!
And in other news ... I just discovered that my computer has a built-in microphone ... somewhere. I have no idea where the hell it is, though.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, March 28th, 2003
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4:50 pm
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So I go to my portfolio review. I'm feeling pretty good about my stuff, but not overly confident. Everyone's been telling me that I'll do just fine, but you always have that sense of impending doom hanging over you ...
The kid that went in before me comes out looking frazzled. "Oh man, that was brutal. They kept asking me, 'why do you want to be in communication design?' I didn't know what to say, it's so hard to just explain." The other guy waiting to go in and I kind of look at each other like, shit, we'd better be prepared for that.
A few minutes later, they call me in. All my pieces are mounted; I decide to put out six at a time. Half now, half later.
"Terrific." "What class did you do this for? This is really great." "Nice work." "Terrific." "Wonderful."
They seemed to be really impressed by my courseload, course choices, and grades. One of them went on and on about how great it was that I was minoring in Linguistics and how well it would complement CD. (I'm glad he picked up on that. I've known all along that it'd be a great choice.)
Next six. Same compliments. And then this: "You have some really nice work here. Really excellent. We'd love to have you in the department. As long as you don't give me a hard time!"
Me: "I promise, I'll NEVER give you a hard time!" And one of my current teachers agrees. "She never gives me a hard time. Don't worry about that." And smiles.
The official acceptance list will be posted Monday or Tuesday, but that was a pretty clear sign that things went really fucking fantabulous (and supertastic!)
*HUGE sigh of relief* ... let's just hope my name is on that list next week!
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10:30 am
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Today is the day that will decide the rest of my life.
I hardly know where to begin.
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, March 27th, 2003
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1:39 am
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I've got this sick-ass case of "New Sketchbook Syndrome." You know, it's all brand spanking new and perfect and pristine and blank. I seriously don't even know where to begin with it, because I don't want to fuck it all up. So I don't do anything, and having it goes to waste.
It really is a gorgeous new book, though. It's the absolutely ideal size for me, too, and the pages are just the right weight - thinner and smoother than the usual ones I buy. This is my first "book" sketchbook, too ... I usually buy the spiral-bound ones, not the spine-bound ones. Always hardcover, though. That way you always have a hard flat surface to use.
Goddamn clean sketchbooks. I mean, I love it, but goddamnit, sometimes there's really nothing worse than a blank canvas.
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